he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
