My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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