He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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