Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
