wanna go halves on a baby?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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