Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
