So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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