I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
