The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
