i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Randomize
