I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
