his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
