She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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