Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
