Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
