Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
