I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
