my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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