did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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