U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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