Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
