I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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