I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You ate ashes out of my bong
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You did what with his pubic hair?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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