every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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