Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
