guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
