shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
