and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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