I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
