Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
