I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i barfeds in our rink
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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