dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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