I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
