I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize