how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
