fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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