So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
