i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
