dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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