plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
