3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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