Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
