He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
