Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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