Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
