but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
