My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
