I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
