I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize