Screwed.edu
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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