We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
