Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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