Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
