So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
