I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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