im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
