Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
