it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
