literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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