Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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