being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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