Little spoons don't ask big questions
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
