He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
