He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize