u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
