No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
