Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
