we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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