The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
