I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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