Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
