If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
