I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
