i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
