Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
FUCK WHALES
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize