So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
