yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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