The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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