i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
