oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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