someone threw a dead crab at me
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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