Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
