You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
