Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
