Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You need Xanax blowdarts
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
