Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
