There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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