i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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