is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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