Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize