She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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