I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
