Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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