wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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