So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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