READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
