I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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