are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
