So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
