There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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