1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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