your room smells of hookers.
And success
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
