I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
