I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
