The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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