Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
