They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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