He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
