YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize