The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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