Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
